Grown Ass Woman

I have raced ever since I have been 11 years old.  I have developed a very strict regimen that has actually loosened up since high school.  I actually eat more than buttered noodles and peanut butter crackers now!  So enjoy!

Day/Night before:
* Hydrate ALL DAY
* Shake out run 12-16 mins easy followed by icing down
* Shower and stretch in the shower
* Eat pasta and a ton of bread for dinner
* Have a small dance party/jam session to bad ass beats (in college we had our dance parties on the hotel beds it was awesome, there is archived video footage)
* Watch a ridiculous movie/tv show
* Play all the songs that remind me of running
* Look up inspirational running quotes from that website (the old version was better but this will suffice) http://www.brocawblazers.org/camp/running_quotes.html
* Lay out my gear and pack my bag for the next day
* Be in bed lights out BY 11pm the absolute latest.

Race Day!

* Wake up with a church song this is the day in my head
* Eat immediately when I wake up…usually cereal, perhaps an english muffin
* Start Hydrating
* Put on great Pump up Jams…rock out/dance party
* Get dressed in layers
* Braid my bangs back, put on green eyeliner and if available a ribbon in my ponytail
* Alternate between blue powerade and water (only blue)
* Jam session in the car/on the bus
* hour and a half before eat half a power bar
* hour before run 12-15 mins stretch strides drills
* Get really nervous and ask how many minutes til race time a million times
* Give a motivational speech to the girls in the huddle (this is no longer applicable…sad)
* Say my race prayer that I made up and told my cousin.

—-Please Dear Lord, Be with me in my heart and in my mind.  Give me the Strength to Start, the Stamina to Stay and the Speed to Finish Amen.  

*Humm Shake by Ying Yang Twins
*Wish everyone luck
* Get on the line and bless myself approx 5 times and say to myself Get It Rog. Lets go Bitch.
*Run

Its what I do haha.  There are certain beats I ALWAYS listen to:

-Hilary Duff Hey Now This is What Dreams are Made Of (since highschool)
-70 times 7 Brand New
-Saddest Girl Song- Starting Line
-Melissa Ethridge- Run for Life
-Shake Ying Yang Twins
-Turn My Swag On- Soulja Boi

-Poker Face- Gags

-Scotty Doesnt Know

-Everybody-BSB

-Sexy Back-Justin

- See You Again- Miley Cyrus
-Sandstorm-Darude
-Pour Some Sugar On Me- Def Leapord
-Nothin-NORE
-Womanizer-Brit

-Born to Run-Bruce

-Live your Life-Rhi Rhi

There are more beats.  I know this.  This is how I roll and I must do this otherwise Im freaked out.  How I roll who I am.  Run for my life….you better believe it.

So, I have issues with being an “alum” that always returns…don’t know why probably stems from High School when we used to make fun of the people who graduated yet still returned every weekend or were present at EVERY sporting event.  There is support then there is awkward.  But, with that said, I will admit that there are a number of things/behaviors that I miss about my times at the Wag.  Now that I am grown, it is pretty inappropriate/frowned upon to do some of the things that were standard at this time in my life merely one year ago.  Also, there is the time factor…I am kinda BU-SY.  But I feel like sharing.

1. Drinking in the shower

(Often times I got home from a meet and had to hurry up and get ready to make a ferry or make the special at the local bar…so, a friend would pass me a bev and I could sip as I washed off steeple water)

2. Going to a Deli at 3am

(Nothing in CT is open after 130am anyways, but somtimes you just want a snack.)

3. Pregame dance parties.

(Just going to a friends place doing shots out of either shot glasses, paper cups..or my personal favorite…Clay sculptures while shimmying and yelling lyrics to great songs)

4. Getting the shuttle.

(I loved squeezing into that thing sitting on my pals laps and racing people to get on in time)

5. Walking everywhere

(The Walk to and from Bottomleys was never a huge issue for me…I actually thought of it as extra excercise and always got a good story out of it)

6. Doing distractive dances during Beer Pong

(I don’t know everyone here as well as my team and my girls back at Wag, sooo doing “the butt dance”isn’t necessarily appropriate..may mess up my image.

7. Being able to walk into your pals room at any time for any reason

(I loved always having someone to hang with and do nothing with)

8. Unnecessary trips.

(CVS for lip gloss?? Pathmark for a small tree?? Not nec but great mems)

9. Preseasons

(Yes we ran our asses off and semi-died a lot, but we had the most fun ever and were in sick shape…Loved that)

10a/b.  a. George b. Brunch

(a. I got the same thing alwaysand George knew and always called me beautiful when I clearly was NOT at the time. b. Again got the same thing, but it was casual and great.)

11. Having multiple wardrobes.

(I have a glam great roomy now, but thats only 2 wardrobes….at Wags I had like 8.)

12.  Drinkning on the ferry.

(Thats a personal fav, I never could do the tall boy in 23 mins, but I liked the challenge and the silly walk to our destination..which was always Blockheads for MARGS and I always had to pee)

13. Drinking out of a water bottle

(Not really a secret to anyone, nor was it classy…but it served its purpose and saved money and you could later recycle)

14.  Unexpected friendship requests.

(Now its not as fun, and if there is a guy you like, you have to be a real person about it.)

15. Code Names

(Yes.  EVERY GUY had a code name…now I mean who can I invent code names for and they wont be as fun because there is no dining hall.)

Now that I sound like a crazy alcoholic partier…Ill admit I was actually pretty low key..until like the last 2 months of college….If you went to college you know.  If you went to my college you really know and if you were one of my great buddies that shimmied, booty dropped, threw back shots did the butt dance or heard me go off on a ridiculous science based tangent while under the influence….you prob miss the same things.

But I am having a badass time here too, so Im not that sad…just miss it and realizing that I am pretty grown.

It’s been awhile (said in my Britney spears voice)

So, it is a new decade now…as of midnight and some people make resolutions, I mean I DID, but like they are just some standard things that I semi- have to do, but things I have wanted to do but just didn’t and felt like it would be a good time.  You know, standard better yourself items.

ANYWAYS.  I feel like a new decade is a good time to hope for some awesome things like so:

Note, some of these things are personal hopes and probably don’t affect 75% of other people….but Im just throwin ‘em out there.

1. A way to talk to your phone and have it type what you say.  —Rationale: its all right that cell phones now have a tool to read you your texts while youre driving so you dont have to hit buttons.  But how do you respond?  Youre not supposed to talk or answer your phone and especially not text, so how do you respond?  Cant do it unless you pull over…and text conversations can go on for awhile (especially nowadays with boys bc they are afriad to actually call…Ill get to that later)…..so you dont want to be pulling over every time the robotic woman says something like “Want to hang out?”  “When?”  “I dont care, you pick” “Are you sure?”  “Where are you?” “How long will you be there for?” ” Who is there?”  So that woudl be awesome for 010 (on purpose without the 2).

2. Revival of sitcoms.  I love them. I miss them.  I want them to come back.  They were great late 90’s early 00’s…bring em back.  I can watch the same episode of Will and Grace 3 times in a row and laugh EVERY time.  Same for Raymond.  Same for King of Queens.  Same for Friends.  Its just a feel good thing and I miss it.

3. More Lady Gaga antics.  Just always.  I love Gags.  Anything she does I love and want to do…sometimes Im upset that I am not her.  Like today.

4. Facebook to stop being dumb.  Stop trying to do all of these fancy things and enough with the dumb farmville (that I hate) and fix facebook chat.  Because I love facebook chat.  It makes talking to everyone acceptable and not weird at all, and its semi the new aim…but not really at the same time.  Also a dislike or hate button.  I would enjoy that.

5. People to have more old fashion relationships.  Sounds so ched cheese, but I mean when I watch my sitcomes in my bathrobe like a grandma in my 3 hours of free time per week, I have my blackberry and my computer out just so I can be contacted with people because I don’t see them anymore really (or I do and just like talking to them).  But what I really want is old fashion trips and hang out sessions to build strong bonds and make memories.  No one is going to be like hey remember that time we texted.  I mean they may, but it would be better if they said hey remember that time we hung out together.  Just more REAL things without a bunch of technology in the way.  It would totes be more fun.  Also…while Im on this subject Ill jump to #6.

6. Men to be men again.  I want men to do the whole shivalry thing again…I HATE how puney dudes have become.  They don’t go out of their way much anymore, and they consider texting socially acceptable as a replacement for a phone call or to ask to hang out.  No.  If you want to begin a relationship, or potentially date or whatever it is these days (which I also hate…and hope in 010 there is less experimental design and more actual results..anyways) call.  Call me.  I will answer and I will chat and I will see that you actually weren’t too scared to call me.  I remember in High School, this guy I semi liked I used to plan when I was going places to run into him….he called me.  Left a message on my home answering machine…Balls.  Where are the balls.  Ask us out, take a risk…do it.  Its impressive and shows that you gave the extra thought.  Also, hold doors again, do cute things, dont expect us to do all the work.  I am Miss Independent (Kelly Clarkson style) and I want the song to happen the whole what happened to miss independdent…want to be semi tamed…but not smothered.  hate that.  So yeah in the 010, make moves dudes.  Im not sayin on me…I mean in general as a population.  Bring back the suave feet sweeping beats.  We like that jam.

7.  More Justin Timberlake duets and less Kanye hoppin in songs. Justin does really great duets (hopefully with Gags even) and I just want more.  Kanye is a mean man, I don’t want to hear his biz anymore, I do enjoy his beats, but it makes me feel guilty to enjoy them…so if he stopped it woudl be win win.

8. Machines to take any kind of money at any tim ae and credit or debit cards…and also for the machines to be like the self check out in Stop and Shop and give back Bills and not dollar coins.  No one likes dollar coins.   Sometimes, I want a Snickers around 3/4pm and if I have no money and just my debit Im pissed.  I dont want that anymore.

9.  All trains to get the next stop displayed as if they were a 4,5,6 subway train.  I love that the woman and her calm voice…The. Next. Stop. Is. 14th Street. Union Square. TRANSFER . Is. Available. To the. N, R,W.  Love that.  Miss it.  But I rode the train a few times recently and that doesnt happen and there arent even maps on the train to see stops.  Granted you know wwhere youre going because you bought the ticket for a specific destination….but its hard to gague when you should pack up your items and get ready sometimes or what stop is coming up and whats in between.  It would just be beneficial.

10. More cool science things made available to the public.  They have the 60 mins segments here and there.  But I think it would be cool to have a something like Science Times Tuesday in the New York times….on tv.  A show even of the hot topics in science every week…yes stem cells would get a lot of air time, but I have found that unless people are into science, they have absolutly no idea what the eff is going on in the scientific world and have a very backwards view of what is possible and what is not possible.  This would help and it would also make them more connected when it comes health care decision time.  Its just smart.  I am bias, but its purposeful.

Im sure I have more but thats what I thought of right now.  I wish everyone a HAPP HAPPY 2010 and that its only so great.

I am incapable of drinking coffee or any hot beverage for that matter, all the way through without it getting cold.

I don’t know why this is…I guess I get distracted or try not to chug it so it lasts longer….especially coffee….I try to space out the caff intake throughout the day so I dont crash or something.  Caff seriously effects me…makes me shaky and hyper even….one time in the track van Joe Joe Stasi yelled and my friend T for purchasing me a large because I was fidgiting around in the passenger seat and singing obnoxiously loud.  Hi I’m a 5 year old.  I guess this reaction is stems from my childhood where my mother never let us have caffeine because she feared it would make up hyper.

Mom was right.  Mom knows.

Anyways….yeah…for example today, got myself a 20 oz Cinnomin Swirl Coffee from the cafeteriz (its only $1.80…how sweet are those beats?)  and Im not even really doing much in the lab today…but I am reading and researching and planning (you know foundation so I don’t eff up later) and I got about half way through and BAM cold coffee Minus.  Have to warm it up in the microwave… BUT it doesn’t stay hot for as long.

My theory (which is probs wronger than anything…but I believe it) is that…when you microwave something you are zapping it causing the particles to move faster, its not really HOT its just microscopically shimmiying.  Therefore…it stops moving faster than the initial because the particles are tired from the initial heating then re shimmying.  It sounds ridic because it is borderline ridic and I have no scientific basis for that…but you know its how I think.

So yeah….bottom line…I can’t drink hot beverages in large quantities.  I know this.

Love obesity.  Obsessed with it.  Biggest Loser, Ruby, Diet Tribe, You are What you Eat.  Love it.  Doing a paper on it even…in terms of a terrible disease…but still…obesity.  Never want to be obese…but want to know everything about it.

Allen told me this was possibly a bad idea to publicize my views….but whatevs….Doing it anyway.

I am in research, and in order to be a good scientist, you must think like one all the time.  So…. I have been frustrated and confused with the whole “dudes” situation so I rationalized it.  Obvi…I rationalize everything,  Mom even said to me yesterday, “I tell ya Ry, you can rationalize anything.”

So what I decided to do was view this “situation” as an experiment.  I mean if you think about it, forming a relationship with any other human being is an experiment…I’ll just spell it out.

Experimental Design, simply refers to the setup of a given experiment…protocol if you will.  Most experiments tend to have three main groups.  The positive control where you know you will get a result. The negative control where you know you will not get a result.  AND everyone’s favorite…the experimental group….where…anything can happen (well not anything there is an expected/anticipated out come…but you have no idea whether or not the planets will align or the pigs will fly and you will get that desired result…just sayin)

So now that you  are all wearing lab coats I will apply science to something that we are all fairly familiar with….the art of dating.  I have chosen to apply this experimental Design to MY current relationship status/ability to date/desire to date…it makes perfect sense when I look at things this way. I will outline it as if it were a pseudo grant proposal…except instead of asking for money to fund something I am just sayin.

If you like what you read, you can TOTES apply this to your life and manipulate the variables to pertain to yourself.

Here goes:

Question being answered:  How does the whole male “situation”  work out with respect to my current status?

Hypothesis:  I believe that I am currently  a Beyonce style Single Lady because it is my choice to be like Rhi Rhi and Just Live my Life.

Background:  I am twenty two and just started a PhD program in Bio Medical Science.  I have limited time for bullshit and enjoy dudes.  These are two paradoxial ideals and often find myself stuck in the middle with a mild headache over my left eye.  In this protocol I wish to determine how to attain both desires with limited precipitation from the eyes and continued productiviy in school with minimal distraction and maximal doofy smiling.  This is significant because I feel it is what most females want at this point in their lives.

Specific Aim:  Through observing the opposite sex and knowing myself, I propose to convey my views on relationship stats at this time point in my life.  This will be done through experimental design constructive criticism and evaluation of experimental error.

Experimental Design:

OK…nearly every experimental protocol suggests controls as a means of comparing the acquired outcome to scientific norms.  For example:  If you load genomic DNA in a well you will see bands:positive control.  If you load water into a well you will see nothing: negative control.  If you load bisulfite treated DNA into a well….you have no friggen idea you know you should see DNA…but you may not (sayin).  Ok now you have added gloves to your attire…aka pseudo sceintists.

In terms of dudes here is my experimental design and my rationale.

A positive control would be a guy that is totes into me and I am defs into him.  Like I say Date me and he says Yes.  No bs, no mini headache over the left eye…just good times.  Positive Control Check! (Note, in an experiment it is sometimes very difficult to establish a good positive control depending on the variable…see below)

My negative control will be Allen.  Allen and I love each other but we will never date for reasons that are unnecessary to explain in this context.  I know he is there for me and I am there for him the love will always be there but the whole relationship dating thing will never happen.  Negative Control Check! (Perf)

Variable.  Every guy out there.  Introducing a new man piece into my life never has a defined outcome.  They are all variable and can either resemble the bositive control or negative control.  Honestly…I hate that part.  The whole going through the experimental procedure involving flirting and texting is very fun yes…but after a little while…I want results.  Not results as in a full on relationship…please…im not crazy….I just wanna know.  Does this dude want to match the signal in the positive control lane or does he want to resemble the empty lane?  (Oh I guess this is how you can tie in the whole “Something there” idea  you know the whole “Something was just missing.” or “There is nothing there”)

As with any good procedure, replication must occur.  Therefore repeated exposure to the male in question shoudl eventually yield results.  However; this is a tricky variable that we are dealing with here.  It could take quite some time to get results, and even if results are obtained, they must then be interpreted and that, my friends, is where experimental error plays a large role.  Experimental error could be over-analysis.  I am good at that.  Experimental error could also function in the opposite spectrum.  It could be ignoring/throwing out relivant information….both of which are MINUS. (see prev post for decoding “minus”)

Anticipated Outcome: The anticipated outcome of my situation would be that I am solo beats because this protocol has not been replicated enough to yield positive results at this point in my life and manipulations of which are not at present a priority.  As mentioned finding a good positive control is often difficult.  Yes.  What I am looking for is a positive control.  Not a variable….had mad variables…yes they are fun for awhile, but as previously noted…if over time there is no change in the results, it is time to alter the experimental design and move in a different direction. Be open minded and think outside the box, don’t over analyze and just live your life and go with the flow until you attain a logical conclusion.

Impact on the Field: This data will help other Single Ladies rationalize relationship status and continue to be happy and know how to alter toe protocol to find their positive control with a limited number of variables.

Alternative Approach:  There is always an alternative approach :)   Just find it sisters…and brothers?

Now that I have made myself seem inaccessable, nerdy and crazy…I hope you have at least had a good chuckle at my intense rationalization capabilities haha.  Like Gaga says….And baby when its love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun…also she says you and me could write a bad romance…also Just Dance it’ll be ok.  Gaga KNOWS.

Items I like and don’t like…no order, just throwin it out there…also with the archived lingo beats post…there are new ones that you need to familiarize yourself with before proceeding with the post: Minus = I hate that…therefore if it follows a statement…its not a good thing…aka minus that from my life Ok Now everyone is on the same page….aka all 6 of you who read this because I tell you to do so…and also, if you read this and I dont know you do, tell me…I like to know my audience.

**RAISINS-MINUS- all caps. I hate them. They invade everything and its unnec because they are an addition to other items….I know they weren’t there to begin with. MINUS

**PDA-Minus-I’m ok with hand holding even though it makes me sad inside, but the whole mackin it to your Boo in pub…no thanks. As my younger brother said one time “Get a hotel”…it was hilar we were at taco bell, holmes were making out in the parking lot, he was like 6 yelled get a hotel…haha…but overall Minus.

**Unnec statements-Minus. No need to go out of your way to say something that we all know..especially when its either embarrassing or hurtful….big minus

**Acting too cool for school-Minus. Not school literally, but just acting above certain things. Waffle House, wearing matching t shirts…whathaveyou…minus

**AROD-MINUS MINUS…hate rod..refer back to the prev post. **Getting a dot of schmotz on your new glam top-Minus. Im a klutz and a spaz by nature…happens all the time and it de-glams the ouf. Every time it happens I go “Ugh minus”

**Running out of anything-MINUS or minus…depends on what it is, if it is in the bathroom or lab its usually a big MINUS, but if its like cookies, it can be flipped to pos because I can then no longer eat them

**Forgetting to buy contact solution-Minus….happens every few months….then I have to change my set of contacts…minus

**Things not being on sale when you finally decide to man up and make a purchase-Minus. Hate that…Im a very careful shopper…I usually do 2-3 laps before checking out…the initial round it whatever catches my eye, the second is going back to make sure I didnt forget and crucial items…the third….I put more than half of my items back on the rack/shelf. I can talk myself into or out of everything. But then, when I finally need whatever it may be….no longer on sale. I am a sucker for deals, so therefore I am mad at myself for missing the deal **Spilling coffe or any other beverage on paper. Minus. Just hate that **Not getting mail. Minus…no love

**Turning on a song that you love when its over. Minus. All amped up to jam and oh its the last line of down or you hear miley say …see you again…and you’re done. **Getting tricked! Minus. I hate being tricked! It usually goes something like, “Ah Minus, Skunked again!” and I then laugh to myself at how ridiculous and embarrassing I am. **Boys who think they are awesome when they aren’t really too sweet. Minus. If you are a girl, you get it.

**Winning a race and getting a hat as first prize. Minus. I ran my first race today since NEC outdoors when I ran on a broken foot….I won the 5k…granted it was low key and small but still. I was sooo stoked to get paraphernalia for my Wm you know like a trophy or a medal even a certiff…nope…got an orange fleece hat that says Silk City…makes me look like a penis.  Im not kidding…ask Kathryn

**Going somewhere and it being closed-Minus.  This rarely happens to me because I am anal and check ahead of time at least 5 times, but on those spontaneous days…ugh minus

**Finding out He likes someone else or…the F word, friends-Minus.  No need for explanation, you know.  Minus.

**Saying HI to someone on fb chat and then getting the red message that they arent on-Minus. Embarrassed.

**Smokers. Minus times 87.  Hate that.

**Bad flavors when you aren’t expecting them-Minus.  Unpleasant tastes are the worst.

**Burning your tongue.  Minus, that shazz is annoying and lasts way more than 80 minutes.

And a final minus for now (I say it AT LEAST 10 times a day..so Im just going to end it)

**Checking your phone after sending an “important” or “crucial” text and seeing no response OR that its your mom….MINUUUUUSSSS….hate those beats.  I have a blackberry (I know glam) and it blinks a red light for texts and emails and blue for my mom.  So if I send a text asking about a social event, or a text that gave me anxiety and I check back and see no blinking light…Minus….or if I see a blue light…Minus.  Not what I want.  Im a patient person ~67% of the time but the other 33% I am like an uncomfortable child.  Minus.

So yeah….use minus, its fun and even spreading….Love that…Pos.

So. I bleed orange and blue. I am a huge New York Mets fan, David Wright and I used to be serious until he dropped the ball…then I gave Murph a chance, and we’re currently seeing how things develop. I can tell you everything that is wrong with the team…starting with Spring Training…personally, I feel that they spent too many days hanging out at Sea World and taking snapshots with Mickey Mouse. They started the season semi-weak but still there was hope….I will admit, I was late to a few social events because I a. was listening to the game in the shower on my radio as if it were 1955 b. I got out of the shower and was glued to the television and was still in my towel not wanting to miss anything c. wouldn’t leave until the game “turned around” d. wanted to make sure the bullpen didn’t blow it (oh man….) e. Knew the game would not be on on the Staten Island Ferry and wouldnt have service in teh subway….overall because I get excited for them. Now they have let me down more than 5 times in my life, not even counting how many times they “shit the bed” as Joe Stas would say. But you know what I STILL a fan. The previously mentioned items are true yes, but if you were to visit my dorm room Jr year of college, you would see that Di and I were legit. Foam Finger from 1986, homemade poster by Di of the Mets logo complete with photos of her at the game with friends (I was featured numerous times), “The Wright Stuff” Vitamin Water Ad featuring my ex lover D. Wright, A giant poster of the Mets history, which I woke up and saw every morning, and a picture of David Wright and Jose Reyes celebrating covered in champaign, drankin beers and smokin cigars. Not to mention my Mother (also a huge fan) gave me her 1986 Mets shorts…still have and wear them all the time. Also, I have a theory on why they didn’t play well and where they can improve and I really want to sit these men down and give them a pep talk. But, enough about that…..now for my main point. This World Series is a Mets fans nightmare. New York Yankees vs. Philadelphia Phillies. The friggen Jerks of the MLB vs the division rivals…such a bad situation. I absolutely HATE the Yankees. I have for as long as I can remember and for a number of reasons..I will list my top 5. 1. Cocky 2. Think they own New York 3. A Rod 4. Brainwashers 5. THEIR FANS. (mainly this reason) I cannot stand Yankee fans. They are loud mouth bandwagon riding obnoxious people who take great pleasure in trash talking. But I ask this question… Are they the ones out there playing the game? Last time I checked they weren’t. And many of the Yankee fans my age are only Yankee fans because they won all the time when they were young. Terrible reason to be a fan of a team..fair-weather friend. Where were these “fans” when they didn’t make the play offs…that’s right sulking. But then, as soon as they are back into winning, OH hello, the Yankees have fans again. I LOVEEE how they show up late September early October and claim to LOVE the Yankees….and by love I mean it pisses me off a lot. It shouldn’t I have a lot of other things going on in my current life, but you know, some things just get under my skin. More than half of these so called “fans”cannot even tell me the line up. (Side note…the only reason I can’t tell you the Mets lineup is because it changes on a daily basis….embarrassing…but I still love them). Ugh. Also…A Rod…Hate Rod. He is not a good person, I don’t care for him much at all…don’t care how talented he is, he cheated in baseball and on his wife…with a prostitute therefore he is tainted, impure and the worst role model for a young aspiring Baseball player. I am SO glad my brother is also a Mets fan…my cousin Christopher, however, concerned. Another thing..Texiera is not attractive. Derek Jeter is a nice man and made an appearance on my favorite television program The Biggest Loser…BUT, he made a video appearance, he didn’t actually GO to meet my obese pals. There was a personal appearance by Kurt Warner…C’mon Derek, make the effort, don’t just get your face out there (which isn’t as attractive as everyone thinks) do the right thing. He is a good man, I appreciate him, but I feel like he is only a good man to make him more famous…yamsayin. I could go on, but I wont. Phillies. I love Cliff Lee. He is possibly the best pitcher to come through in awhile. I love his ‘have fun”attitude and how casual he is on the mound…great presence…oh and how he pretty much owns the Yankees. HOWEVER….I don’t care for the Phillies. Jason Worthless has dumb facial hair. The fans have the potential to become mini Yankee fans…but it will take time. Pedro Martinez. OVERRATED times 1000000000. I didn’t like hiim when he was a Met, he is a cocky S.O.B and I have issues with cocky people…always have…I just really don’t care for them. His statement about knowing he was one of the best or whatever the heck he said, upset me deeply. Don’t set a bad example like so. And by set a bad example I mean don’t encourage young pitchers to be cocky jerks. Lee is assertive, there is a difference. I just don’t like how mean the Phillies fans are to us Mets fans. It is unnecessary. We tend to play exciting games against you guys…or you blow us out..whatever…either or its good for you guys….not so much us. I just think its a fairly young rivalry for the remarks that get thrown around. Based on the difference in sized paragraphs You can guess which way I am leaning. I just wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I were to root for the Yankees. I can’t do it. Some New Yorkers feel, “Gotta go New York” No you don’t they are the evil empire. Why would you bow down to evil? I for one cannot. And ugh…they are currently winning and I have a stomachache. And Im mad ay HOV aka Jay-Z..I know he is a Yankee fan, but hes allowed because he is old…but I mean come on Young, don’t encourage them. I love that jam, so much makes me miss my betches, team and the blurry bright city nights….but don’t make me think of the Yankees when I hear it….please. Anyways…this series is almost over, the “yankee” fans will stick around for approx 2 more weeks then they will go back into their shanties until next September….meanwhile I will be waiting for pitchers and catchers to report…and preparing my powerpoint presentation on “How to Play as a Team” and searching the internet for photos of young Mets players to remind them why they started playing in hopes of awakening that desire and drive that they are SO lacking. Bitter? Semi…more like personally disappointed…and wanting something for a group of men that don’t realize how good they can really be….Not many Yankee fans have experienced this dilemma…oh right because they don’t stick around long enough. The end.

I’ve been wanting to write about this for awhile now, but I never have the time to invest…probably shouldn’t even be doing it now, but hey there’s an extra hour today and it won’t take long. Everyone who knows me knows I love running…like it is one of the few things in this life that can either make me really happy or really depressed. And it is one of the only times I feel at peace. I noticed this a few months ago when I moved to Connecticut for grad school. I had nothing going on until the end of August, so I would just run up the road to the reservoir and purposefully get lost sans watch. I would enter the forest and follow the trail, I didn’t know where it was going and I didn’t care. I would just continue on the path letting my legs guide me past trees up hills over streams around bends without concern or regard for anything other than which turn I would take next. It never mattered which path I chose because I knew I would eventually find my way back to the main road, and I could always back track if necessary (though I prefer to find my way out over turning around). It was incredible. I saw nature and was exploring a new place via foot. I didn’t care that it was ridiculously hot and humid, nor did I care that my legs were all scraped up from running through random bushes…I was happy. It was similar when I decided to step it up 2 aka take it to the streets. I figured, what better way to get to know your surrounding than via foot on a nice run. None I say. I would just play the same game with myself…the left right or straight game. At every crossroad I would just let my legs take me, not think just GO. I would end up out there for miles and be soaked with sweat, but again, I was happy. I never wanted to stop. For me these are the only times when I feel free. Those of you who know me pretty well know that I like to know whats happening tomorrow yesterday. I like plans I like structure I love schedules, highlighting, color codes, lists, folders…if it decreases entropy or surprises in any way shape or form…I love it. However, when I am running…I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know where Im going I dont want to know how long I will be out there for…I just want to go. There are no rules, no impositions, its just me going. Doing what I WANT to do, not what anyone else NEEDS me to do, not what I feel obligated to do, Im just out doing my own thing. Lately I never want to stop. I never want to head back I just want to stay out forever, because it represents freedom. I can’t mess it up, I don’t have a deadline, there isn’t a chance of being rejected, there is no confusion or embarrassment. It is just me and my thoughts cruising through the dim town. Waving at other runners, smiling at strangers, pony tail waving pack and forth sometimes making circles. I love it. At about 1 o’clock each day I start to get excited to run after work. I think about how long I want to go where I want to go, I honestly feel my heartrace increase and get the excited butterflies. I get home thrown my breifcase on the floor strip down and suit up tie my house key to my shoe and pound pavement. I can tell my the time I hit Garfield how good the run will be. If I feel great I pick up the pace, if I feel crummy, I relax…I have learned to listen to my body…aka I wont be running myself into any more broken bones or ripping holes in my muscles. This is me. This is for me. No one else….it is my time. Of course I push myself every time I do it…but somedays I now realize I don’t have to push as hard. Racing is an entirely different concept. That is raw that is beast that is desire in action. Before a race I am a different person. I exude passion and intensity. I am willing to do anything and push my body well above its limit….why? Don’t know I like a challenge I guess….and I like to see how far I can go how hard I can push or how much I can take before I semi-die. The toughness that one has to possess to race is incredible…but thats another story and another topic for another time. (I can go on about that forever…and if you ever engage me in race conversation…you will witness a change in both my body language and voice—frightening even). Im having trouble putting it all into words, but I mean, some of you know what Im talking about. Its almost like an out of body experience. There is NOTHING else going on, which for me is so rare. Im used to doing 67 things all at once and going full speed bam bam bam. When I run I am taken out of my life for 20-80 minutes to just be free. No restrictions, no limits….just going. No expectations, no rules…just the freedom to move as I want at my own pace sweating out the anxiety from the day and putting everything else on hold until I get back to my front step. On the roads I fly. So smooth, so rhythmic I just feel happy. I can tell other runners feel it too just by observing their stride. When I am driving and I see people running I am automatically jealous and wish I was running too. Even if I ran that day already…I want to go again. I’m not running away, I don’t run away from anything….unfortunately I run toward too many things….but in a sense I’m just leaving for awhile. Checking out. Personal vacation to reconnect with myself, clear my head (it gets very busy up there) reminisce, daydream….and just move. My yoga instructor said that the body loves movement….I’m giving it what it wants. I really wish I could explain this feeling better….but to me, nothing is better than a good run, on a crisp afternoon/evening where I don’t feel anything but happiness. The world is on hold, life is on hold and I can just take in the run and how good it feels to be free and alive.